Dogs must be crazy

I am slowly getting used to Bangalore. The food, the noise, the dogs...all of it. Coming to think of it, Bangalore is not that bad a city to live in. Ok apart from the traffic, the bad roads, the expensive real estate and the crazy mobile phone operators. Whatever said and done...Bangalore is a real fun place...I mean funny place to live in. I do not know if people notice some of this stuff...I am sure they do...but as Indians I guess we are really good at adjusting to stuff. Let me get started.

I don't know if you have ever noticed, but sometime people with paint brushes in their hands just have way too much power in their grasp. You would think that the guy paying people to paint notices would at least check up and see what these blokes are up to...or at least verify with someone with a few years of education behind them to check and see if the stuff they are paying to have painted or printed is actually correct. But NOOOOOOO...that would be too easy. This whole world we live in has a sense of humour.

For example, I was walking down Church Street last week in Bangalore and I saw this lovely notice. Now Church street is bang in the middle of town. It is next to MG Road...ie one of two street in Bangalore with WOMEN. Anyways this is what I saw:-



Now the best part is that the whole street virtually has this notice painted along the walls. Now if you do not see anything wrong with it, send me your cv and I will get you in touch with the Corporation of Bangalore and you can have a great career in painting walls or at least writing the copy for the stuff being painted on the walls.

Now as I said this whole world around us has a great sense of humour. Just opposite this lovely notice telling people NOT TO URINE on the wall was another classic. This time around the stuff painted was correct, just that one of those many idiots on roads who have somehow passed their driving tests does exactly what we expect of a moron. I draw your attention to exhibit B.



Now...need I saw more about this kind gentleman...or is a lady driver who got all excited about a free parking spot...hmm...on the subject of lady drivers...and I am be cautious here so that my lawyers do not need to get me out of any unnecessary trouble...ah...screw it...I will tell you another story. This was two weeks ago. I was on my friends bike and was sort of in a hurry to get to the studio from where I needed to pick up my audio show reel. Now this is an average side street in a residential area. There is enough place for two cars to pass and more than enough place for a car and a bike to get by without any trouble. I was behind this car. The driver was moving along quite slowly and so I wanted to overtake the driver. Just then I noticed that there was a push cart vendor on the street and the car looked like it was overtaking the push cart. I thought I could follow the car and then overtake the driver. But NOPE... I had to hit my brakes right there as the car came to a complete halt right in the middle of the road, and the drive...who by now you should have guessed is a lady, (sorry honey) rolls down her windows and starts buying vegetables from the vendor. When I finally over took her...I looked back and was about to give her a piece of my mind...then I though to myself...'Rohit Bhai tension nehi lene ka hai...it could have been worse.' (In english - Some people were dropped on the head as babies)

Talking about vendors and signboards. Here is another one from Bangalore's Brigade Road. This one is paid for by your and my taxes...ok...YOUR taxes. Once I start paying my taxes in India I will demand for proof readers to be employed...or maybe I just won't care. Yup anyways check out Exhibit C.



Hmmm...I do not think I have said anything about the traffic as yet. Well you have got to see the way rules are observed in Bangalore. The white line at traffic signals...the sticking to the lane...giving other people consideration...I would like to draw your attention to the ONLY follower of the above mentioned things visible in Exhibit D.



Yes you got it, my mate MooMoo the cow on Airport Road was the only person/animal behind the white line, in lane and letting traffic pass her by without making a fuss. The only problem being that MooMoo should have been eating grass in some field. Someone let her out to grab a bite...but in Bangalore all you will get it Bytes...sorry MooMoo...but thank you for that lovely pose. I will come and see ya later...say hi to your dad for me and tell him I ain't taking no bullshit from him.

Phew...now where does that bring me? Ah...Mintu, Pintu and Chintu. Yes they are my new mates in Bangalore. They live down my street. They are the stray dogs in the area. Mintu is black, brown and white...slightly plump. Pintu is thin and brown...and Chintu looks like Pintu but is called Chintu. Ah...yes and there is one more dog that refuses to come to me. I call him Moo… because he looks like MooMoo the cow. Anyways these are really friendly dogs. Ok they are friendly if you get them something to eat...but knowing me...you should know that I have already bribed all the dogs in my area so they give me no trouble when I get back late in the night...except Moo...the bugger cannot be bought...this evening we shouted at some dude working in one of the MNC's near my house because he was throwing a stone at Pintu. You should have seen him when we shouted at him...was worth a million dollars...ok...ok...5 bucks tops...


Ok I think I need to crash now...but before I go there is one more thing that is on my mind. Well I was thinking about the number of people who keep blowing their horns in India. Everyone seems to be in such a hurry. No one wants to wait for others (except MooMoo). When you look at the roads and the people on them, you would think that everyone is in such a hurry to be somewhere or the other...but think about it from personal experience. You try to get to the shop fast...you get there...and they serve you like time does not exist. You hurry to a government office...and they wait there for half a day to get one paper moved. You hurry to the AIRTEL showroom and then wait for 20 minutes just to find a seat and another 40 minutes for someone to greet you. Just think about it...why are we in such a hurry if in reality we are 'totally bindas' (Carefree and chilled out). WHY? What I would like to know is for a country and culture that can stay cool through almost anything...and where patience is not just a virtue but the requirement...why are we in such a hurry on the roads.

This brings me to the morons who have decided that it is really cool to have a stupid tune playing every time they hit the brakes. I shall however not waste even another minute of sleep over such people...may they get sick and tired of the crappy tunes they have chosen...

(If I have offended anyone, anything or any brand name, it is because I feel strongly about it...so if you wanna see me in court...get ready to write a cheque in my name...however if I have called you an idiot or a moron in this blog...it is because you are one...so just remember...NO PARKING IN FRONT OF THE GATE)

PS: Part 1 - My blogs always have spelling and grammar mistake. That is because I could not be bothered to read through them and correct the mistakes…after all…I am an idiot and a moron as well…maybe someday someone will write about me in their blog.

PS: Part 2 – If you would like to listen to my Audio Show reel, this is the address
http://www.rohit.co.uk/voiceover.htm
Also do check out some updates under the photographs section on my site - http://www.rohit.co.uk